chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
