You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Drunk is not a location!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
