It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
