Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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