i think my tv is drunk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
