I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
