Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
