The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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