ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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