made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
