Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
