I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I currently don't understand fingers.
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