found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
