you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do vagina's smell?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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