Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
