and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
