the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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