Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
