I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
