Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
