she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
