it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
