party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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