I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
