WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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