How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize