Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
