You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my phone needs a breathalizer
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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