6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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