He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
