Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
