JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
