I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
