i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
