I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
