i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
