he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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