The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize