anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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