How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize