yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
