You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
