omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize