A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
