This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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