i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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