so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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