There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
