if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
