my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
