I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
