you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
