just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
