we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
