So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
