u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
3pm strippers are depressing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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