Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
