I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
