; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
