Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
