Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize