break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize