i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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